Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
