My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
