i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
