maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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