so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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