what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
