My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We have so much sex to catch up on
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
