its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
