ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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