just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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