Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
