i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
