He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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