hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
