our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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