i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
