look no pants
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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