THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
