Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
