im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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