toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
