Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
