I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm passing your future prison.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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