I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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