He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
