i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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