Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
