Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
