pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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