Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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