Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
