JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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