Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
