talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
