It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I cut my penus on the lid.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
