The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
