I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
A+ Viking dick
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
