Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
