I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dear god my vagina.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
