The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize