I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
