i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
