What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
