just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
