Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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