you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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