Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
