All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
