nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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