everyone is single if you try hard enough
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
