Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
