I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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