I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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