I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
