I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
