You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
