Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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