just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
