Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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