she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
