I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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