...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
