either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
