Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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