i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
