Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
