She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
