Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
