I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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