you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
