you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
