wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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