Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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