Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
