I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize