I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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