i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
