:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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