Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
