Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
