Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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