you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
