I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
