Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
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I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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