Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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