just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
